Under the Weather

The wings were done and I had moved on to the grass and twigs and the flowers. Just started placing them, too. This was a dragonfly commission for my stepsister Deborah's Christmas present. On Friday, it fell and broke into pieces. It was heart-breaking but knowing I couldn't salvage it helped so I didn't spend time agonizing over how to fix it. Emotionally, I moved on from this in relatively short time. I'm so glad I started it early in case of problems. Now I still have time to make another one.  But even that disaster hasn't managed to completely break through a general malaise I've been suffering with for weeks/months. 

I haven't felt well for a long time now and some days during the past couple of months were pretty bad. Daily migraines, hives, joint pain (especially in my right hand, wrist & shoulder) and a progressing sensitivity to light have all conspired to make my life extremely unpleasant. I'm finally feeling somewhat better but emotionally, I'm drained. I haven't had much inspiration for creating anything with all this beautiful glass, the pretty beads or gorgeous smalti. 

Considering all the symptoms, I don't believe it will be difficult to come up with a diagnosis of Lupus. I didn't put it together until the hives just started driving me crazy with the itching. They always start in my ears, too. What is up with that??? Anyway, the hives coupled with this progressive worsening of light sensitivity was what finally sealed the deal, in my mind anyhow. Went over to WebMD (great place, btw) and looked at the list of possible culprits. I figured it was just a stress thing until I saw the photophobia. Yep, I dislike bright lights because I do know that they're going to cause me to have a migraine. I HATE to get behind someone with a rear windshield that slants just right. It's like it beams the sun directly into my right eye piercing my head with a railroad spike. In moments, I've got a killer migraine. Wish my sunglasses were darker and wrapped around the sides! Now, I just need a formal diagnosis so I can get whatever medications will get this under control. Maybe it will give back my energy and enthusiasm that I've been seriously lacking in recent weeks. I sure hope so. I'm tired of being tired. The lack of focus has made it difficult to stay on task, too.


As I pull myself out of this dark hole I've been living in, I'll try to get back into the blogging mode as well. Everything has just sort of stopped in its tracks - me, in particular. I'll try to do better from now on. I think knowing, or suspecting, will make it easier for me. We'll see. Wish me luck and I'll let you know when I get more information.

Tired and Uninspired

I haven't been sleeping well and waking up extra early has left me tired and out of sorts; also, I've been uninspired. So, I've been taking pictures and hoping one of them will inspire me to create something beautiful. 

The other night I was putting the trash bin out and nearly walked face first into a huge orb weaver web. Spiders don't particularly bother me and long as they don't "bother" me. This guy was huge! His body was the size of a quarter; he had really hairy legs and was creeping me out just hanging there upside down. I came inside grabbed the camera and took a couple of pictures. Then I had to known if he was a good spider or a bad spider. If he was fatally poisonous, then his life was forfeit. He looked like he might be so I had to know. I googled nocturnal spiders and discovered he's an orb weaver and non-toxic to humans. Cool, he got a reprieve, unless he came in the house. 

I had noticed the over-abundance of webs in the trees around the house lately and these orb weavers seem to be responsible. After taking multiple photos, I finally got inspired to create my own interpretation of an orb weaver web.

I love the iridescence of their webs in the morning sunlight.  It looks so fragile but I read that their webs are quite strong; I believe it. I hope I can do it justice. Mother Nature and her creatures kick some serious butt in the art department!

Dealing with Disaster

My beautiful "Life's a Beach" GOG landscape cracked on me the other night. I was devastated and it left me seriously depressed. I've put so much work into this piece and for it to be ruined in a heartbeat like that made me want to cry. It's not a masterpiece but it is truly gorgeous. I've used some wonderful textured stained glass in a variety of colors. Now to be clear, this is made from scrap stained glass. This glass is leftover scrap from various projects and is what remains after the artist cut pieces she wanted out of the original sheet. Usually a ring saw is used to cut out specific pieces to complete a design. Scrap glass is sold by the pound at my favorite glass store in north Austin, Artisan Glass. The store is run by Linda Oliveira and when she can, Dianne Sonnenberg. 

Since the crack, I've avoided working on that specific piece and barely touched it, even to take pictures of it. I really did think it was ruined and ready for the trash can until a fellow mosaic artist friend on Flickr gave me a solution. All I need to do is get the appropriate size piece of glass and glue it to the back of the piece. Well, why didn't I think of that??? Mary Foley - bless her heart of gold - is something of a marvel when it comes to mosaics anyway but when she offered up a way to salvage my work, I was thrilled, ecstatic and ready to sacrifice a small child in her honor. (just kidding, of course!) Mary claims to be new to mosaics but she works circles around most of us. Her experience and knowledge saved my butt on this one and I'll be indebted to her forever but I can live with that.

 

One Thing Leads to Another

July was a very busy month for me. My brother-in-law business partner  and I worked our butts off to get our joint venture off the ground. We haven't chosen a name for that business yet but we're creating a whole range of outdoor lights, including lighted stepping stones. I haven't been slacking; I was just more involved with that portion of my life.

For awhile, we couldn't get anything to work out the way we envisioned it. We experimented with resins, polymers, cement mixtures, tints and mold compounds. Things finally started coming together in a more cohesive manner and appear to work the way they're supposed to. We'll see...

Now you might wonder what an outdoor lighting system business has to do with creating mosaics in general. Well, all that experimenting with the various materials got the blood pumping to create my own clay polymer & tinted resin beads, basic molds (for stepping stones, crosses, concrete outdoor planters, bird baths and garden spheres) and anything else that comes to mind. Thanks so much to Sherrie Warner Hunter for sharing all her knowledge and experience in her books Making Concrete Garden Ornaments by Sherrie Warner Hunter

and  Creative Concrete Garden Ornaments for the Garden: Making Pots, Planters, Birdbaths, Sculpture & More by Sherrie Warner Hunter Those books have been invaluable. I've learned so much this past month and want to put that new knowledge to use. Yesterday, I spent quite a bit of time creating simulated "smalti" with clay bits. Some tinted, some not; painted a few but they leave something to be desired; so next, I'll be experimenting with nail polish for a glossy finish. These clay bits will be used on a terracotta frog planter I'll be mosaicing in the very near future.

Before the frog planter, though, I'm going to attempt my first mosaic using thinset. I've been dissatisfied using the direct mosaic method because glass isn't always the same thickness either; so, my supposedly "flat" pieces look like a Ruffles potato chip. It's finally gotten on my last nerve. This morning I bought thinset and admix and I'm going to create a new stepping stone using the indirect method. If the indirect stepping stone turns out well, I'll move on to the frog planter. Wish me luck!

Happiness is a Grouted Damselfly

Grouted the damselfly last Thursday night (July 1) and I'm very pleased with the way he turned out. The grout was exactly what it needed to bring out the best in this piece. I'm so glad I didn't give up on him or allow my attitude to drown out everything good about the piece. Although I know every fault with the wings and every other little thing that I know I did wrong, I have grown to love it precisely because of all those imperfections. Also, my eyes focus on all those mistakes while others only see the beauty. This has become my favorite stepping stone and I'm quite proud of him. 

A post I read in the MAO group this morning and my response to it prompted me to come make this post. And Solana, if you happen to make your way here, just take a look at my Flickr page and you'll see that I'm just a babe in the woods with this mosaic stuff and make all kinds of mistakes. But I learn more that way and I'm OK with that; I just do my best. Well, I do have fun, too! 

When is a Dragonfly not a Dragonfly?

When it's a damselfly. I've spent the last few days working on my newest project, a damselfly, that I've wrongly and repeatedly referred to as a dragonfly. Simplified, a typical dragonfly's eyes are close together and appear to touch; their rear wings are smaller than their fore wings. A damselfly's eyes are separated; their fore wings and rear wings are similar in appearance and approximately the same length. So now we both know the basic differences. 


My damselfly is based on a typical blue male but I haven't done his colors justice. And I seem to have reversed his wing structure when I made the pattern and glued the pieces on the stepping stone. arrrghhhh... I HATE when that happens!


The flat plane of the wing is on top and the bottom side of the wing is fuller and more curved. Nothing I can do about it now, of course, but lesson learned. Next time I will get it right. Also, instead of the solid piece of mirror glass, I will break it down and incorporate smaller pieces into the wing detail. I changed direction in the middle of this project and did so with unsatisfactory results; at least as far as I'm concerned anyway. Because I know the faults in this piece, I'm not thrilled with it but hope that the final results will turn out better than I expect. 

Quandary

The Key to My Heart project is nearly finished but I'm not sure that I'm satisfied with the way it's turned out. I added the last touch to it last night and it's had all night and day to cure. It just doesn't seem secure and I'm afraid that it will come apart with very little handling. After this newest round of glue and another night of curing, I'll take pictures tomorrow to show the potential problem with the piece. In the meantime, I'll be thinking of other ways to secure it. I've already considered grouting it but I'm thinking that maybe I should've used thinset to start with. One of things that makes you go "hmm..." 

Regardless, I'll have to figure something out because the more I think about it, the less content I am with it. I've learned very quickly if you're not happy with something - do it over. If you don't, you'll pick it to pieces in your head and kick yourself for not doing it "right." 

Excuse me, there's something I need to go do...

Looking for New Inspiration

When you're at a loss for an idea and you see someone's mosaic dog, cat or pink elephant is it considered "inspiration" or "theft" if you decide to make one as well? You know full well that what you create isn't going to be anything like theirs. It's the concept that you're inspired by, not the actual pink elephant itself. Sometimes I feel a tad bit guilty for taking another person's concept and creating my own vision of it. Original concepts or ideas are difficult to come up with, though. Most of the time, you'll find it's already been done, a quick search and you'll see what I mean.

Speaking of... I often spend hours looking at pictures on the image search page. Even if someone has already used my idea, I still look through the pictures to see if anyone came close to what I visualized. Other times, I'll plug in a word - summer, for instance - and then start combing through the pictures for something that jumps out at me that I can turn into a mosaic. Saturday afternoon was Rose Window day. I saved copies of some of my favorites and I'll study them for a while. There's no rush; I have a long way to go before I could even attempt a Rose Window of any kind. 

Inspiration is wherever you find it. Just be inspired!

Paint Wash on Grout

I've been working on a project that just begged for a tinted grout - red grout - specifically. OK, so I tinted the grout and it came out a lovely light PINK! Not exactly what I had in mind. I did have pictures but seem to have deleted them all - oops! All right, so now what? Unhappy with the color, I decided to try a technique that a Flickr friend uses with good results - paint washing on grout. First, let me just say that Mary creates phenomenal work so I'd be happy to make something that looks half as good. I looked around for some detailed information on how to mix up the paint. I found various formulas saying to mix the paint with water in a 2:1 or 1:1 ratio depending on how thin or heavy a coat you desire. I wanted to do a light wash in case I hated it or it came out looking like it had been painted. For me, that would be the equivalent of slapping a coat of paint on a brick wall. Yes, it serves a purpose but it looks like crap.

I mixed the paint and water in a 2:1 ratio so it would be somewhat thin. It looks fine but it's still pink, just an intense, darker pink now. I'm going to go over it again with a 1:1 ratio and see if I can get the color right this time. If not, I'm going to call it good and let it go. That's harder for me to do than it sounds because I'm so critical of my work and I tend to be harder on myself than anyone else ever could be. Don't know if that's because others don't want to hurt my feelings or if I've got higher expectations of me than they do. 

All right, I tried a second paint wash but couldn't see a difference from the first attempt. At that point, I called it done and painted the outside of the heart a candy apple red. It will take a couple of days for the paint to thoroughly dry and harden before I can add the finishing touches. Here's the most current look at work-in-progress Key to My Heart:  


It's very personal to me so I'm anxious to see it completed. I'll post pictures later this week.  








My friend Mary over at Flickr:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/poppins/  

Mary's GOG (glass on glass) works are absolutely beautiful and I promise you won't be disappointed. Go on, have a look!

From Mixed Nuts to Mélange Art Glass

Not all change is bad. Yes, I realize that Mixed Nuts was supposed to be an assortment and that mélange means assortment or mix; so, in a way, things really haven't changed that much. I've just narrowed the focus a bit from everything to art glass. Now I'll be talking about what I'm learning (sometimes on a daily basis), trying new techniques and showing the results of my efforts. For example, the Log Cabin Sun-Catcher at the top of the page is a recent creation of mine. 

I hope you won't be disappointed in what you find here now. This is only another stone in the path on the way to the future. 

Quote for the Day

"The road we walk is built with the stones that scar our feet." ~~~Tamoe Gozen in Riverworld

Heard this in the movie "Riverworld" as being said by a nun near Kyoto. I searched for the author and couldn't find one. It's a good quote, though, and makes you think about where you've been and where you're headed; I have no idea. Presently, my feet are set upon a path of independence from the rat race. I figured if I was responsible for myself and my livelihood then I should take on that responsibility fully. I've begun telling people that I'm self-employed, a small business owner. I am sole proprietor of my business and I make pretty things out of stained glass and other bits and pieces of the world around me. On Monday, I move my small inventory of finished handmade, custom artglass into a booth space I've leased. I have no idea how it's going to work out but I'm tired of my future and my life depending on others. This is just the beginning and I look forward to the future for the first time in a very long time.

Blech... I Have Been INFECTED!

A couple of days ago I was in the company of my brother-in-law who somewhat gleefully informed me that he was sick with a stomach virus that had gone through his family like grease through a goose, as my grandmother used to say. Then he had the unmitigated gall to touch me. It was only the pointy end of his pointing finger but I swear it was enough to infect me with germs just looking for fertile ground in which to breed. Today, I have a headache; I'm sort of fuzzy around the edges and my stomach has declared war on the rest of my body.

Although my survival is questionable, I do have a goal. If I live, I'm going to give this crap back to him - just as soon as I can lift my head off my pillow. For now... shhh! I want to be able to hear myself suffer in peace.

Emotional Chaos meets Elbow Macaroni and Glue

I slammed face first into a wall today. Metaphorically speaking, that is; so physically, I'm fine. Settle down with your beverage of choice and enjoy the ride. Remember, it's not you.

This is not the first time I've experienced these lost, directionless feelings. But right now, I'm so out of sorts because I've got a mixed bag of emotions running rampant through me and I'm doing my best to acknowledge them and "own" them. I want so much to be a success now that I've chosen the path I want to follow. But after looking at those I greatly admire, and want more than anything to be just like them when I grow up, I realize that I'm such a neophyte. Maybe I shouldn't have looked at their work right now when I'm feeling so overwhelmed with choices and media to play around with but also feeling so underwhelmed with my own ability to produce something half as beautiful. Everything I do now is being scrutinized for flaws and errors. I'm not enjoying myself but that's why I decided to create art glass in the first place. I wanted to work with buttons and beads; ribbon and paint; and colored glass tiles, mirrored tiles, stained glass and anything that caught my fancy. But right this moment, I feel like a kindergartner gluing macaroni to sheets of construction paper and all the while, DaVinci is across the room creating the Vitruvian Man.

Somewhere inside I know I'm better than this but right now, at this very moment, I'm literally terrified that I'm going to fail as an artist; I'm paralyzed with self-doubt and can't for the life of me turn around and finish a piece I started a couple of days ago. Fortunately I found some resources that have been, and will continue to be, invaluable. One major resource is http://grouplyahoo.com/group/mosaicartistsorg/ They have a wonderful database of information with tips, hints and tricks to make my life easier and a links page where I found the amazing Dianne Sonnenberg, who teaches classes at Artisan Stained Glass http://artisanglass.us and I'm going to take a couple. I need a support group that can give me encouragement and immediate feedback. It will also help tremendously for me to get out of the house and meet people with similar interests. I've been informed that I need to start dating. And now I have a headache, too.

Putting it all "out there" seems to have loosened that band around my chest choking the life out of me and making it difficult to breathe. Yes, I know it was a panic attack and that blogging is cathartic. But once in a while, I need to say these things out loud, or write them down for the world to see, because it keeps me grounded, focused and in touch with my inner child that still needs approval and to have her work validated. Today she was throwing a temper tantrum.

I'm going to share a few of my favorite mosaic artists with you now and hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

http://gnomenclaturestudios.com/ - Dianne Sonnenberg, a local Austin artist

www.chrislongart.com Be sure to check out his Facebook page as well

http://carolblakecoolart.com/index.htm Carol Sackman and Blake White are doing the fun stuff


You'll find many more wonderful artists over on the mosaic group at Yahoo. Share your favorites with me. And if you're creating something wonderful, I'd like to know if you had your own moments of self-doubt and how you got through them.

Closing the Doors of the "Dollhouse"

One of my favorite shows of the last 2 years has come to an end tonight. I find that sad because I've grown to really like these people, even if they don't exist. It's a little late to give you a cast of characters with a brief life story so I won't. Maybe if I'd done that sooner, Dollhouse wouldn't have ended its short-lived run tonight; however, I've discovered that I don't like the same mainstream shows that everyone else seems to be crazy about. What makes that unfortunate is that my favorite shows tend to get canceled while everyone else's shows continue to plod along, business as usual. Kudos, though, to the studio execs for giving a head's up so Joss Whedon could wrap up the series for the fans and give us closure. That's more than we got when TPTB pulled the plug on my all-time favorite TV series, Firefly.

I'll be looking for these actors in new shows in the coming year and hope they land somewhere wonderful - maybe a new Joss Whedon creation. I'm a fan, not just of the characters, but of the actor's skill that made me love them all; Adele, Boyd, Echo, Paul, Topher, Victor, and Sierra. The love extends to recurring characters as well; November, Alpha, Bennett, Whiskey/Dr.Saunders and all the others that passed through the doors of the Dollhouse. I'm so sorry to see you go and look forward to seeing you again - soon.