A couple of days ago I was in the company of my brother-in-law who somewhat gleefully informed me that he was sick with a stomach virus that had gone through his family like grease through a goose, as my grandmother used to say. Then he had the unmitigated gall to touch me. It was only the pointy end of his pointing finger but I swear it was enough to infect me with germs just looking for fertile ground in which to breed. Today, I have a headache; I'm sort of fuzzy around the edges and my stomach has declared war on the rest of my body.
Although my survival is questionable, I do have a goal. If I live, I'm going to give this crap back to him - just as soon as I can lift my head off my pillow. For now... shhh! I want to be able to hear myself suffer in peace.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Emotional Chaos meets Elbow Macaroni and Glue
I slammed face first into a wall today. Metaphorically speaking, that is; so physically, I'm fine. Settle down with your beverage of choice and enjoy the ride. Remember, it's not you.
This is not the first time I've experienced these lost, directionless feelings. But right now, I'm so out of sorts because I've got a mixed bag of emotions running rampant through me and I'm doing my best to acknowledge them and "own" them. I want so much to be a success now that I've chosen the path I want to follow. But after looking at those I greatly admire, and want more than anything to be just like them when I grow up, I realize that I'm such a neophyte. Maybe I shouldn't have looked at their work right now when I'm feeling so overwhelmed with choices and media to play around with but also feeling so underwhelmed with my own ability to produce something half as beautiful. Everything I do now is being scrutinized for flaws and errors. I'm not enjoying myself but that's why I decided to create art glass in the first place. I wanted to work with buttons and beads; ribbon and paint; and colored glass tiles, mirrored tiles, stained glass and anything that caught my fancy. But right this moment, I feel like a kindergartner gluing macaroni to sheets of construction paper and all the while, DaVinci is across the room creating the Vitruvian Man.
Putting it all "out there" seems to have loosened that band around my chest choking the life out of me and making it difficult to breathe. Yes, I know it was a panic attack and that blogging is cathartic. But once in a while, I need to say these things out loud, or write them down for the world to see, because it keeps me grounded, focused and in touch with my inner child that still needs approval and to have her work validated. Today she was throwing a temper tantrum.
I'm going to share a few of my favorite mosaic artists with you now and hope you enjoy them as much as I do.
http://gnomenclaturestudios.com/ - Dianne Sonnenberg, a local Austin artist
www.chrislongart.com Be sure to check out his Facebook page as well
http://carolblakecoolart.com/index.htm Carol Sackman and Blake White are doing the fun stuff
You'll find many more wonderful artists over on the mosaic group at Yahoo. Share your favorites with me. And if you're creating something wonderful, I'd like to know if you had your own moments of self-doubt and how you got through them.
This is not the first time I've experienced these lost, directionless feelings. But right now, I'm so out of sorts because I've got a mixed bag of emotions running rampant through me and I'm doing my best to acknowledge them and "own" them. I want so much to be a success now that I've chosen the path I want to follow. But after looking at those I greatly admire, and want more than anything to be just like them when I grow up, I realize that I'm such a neophyte. Maybe I shouldn't have looked at their work right now when I'm feeling so overwhelmed with choices and media to play around with but also feeling so underwhelmed with my own ability to produce something half as beautiful. Everything I do now is being scrutinized for flaws and errors. I'm not enjoying myself but that's why I decided to create art glass in the first place. I wanted to work with buttons and beads; ribbon and paint; and colored glass tiles, mirrored tiles, stained glass and anything that caught my fancy. But right this moment, I feel like a kindergartner gluing macaroni to sheets of construction paper and all the while, DaVinci is across the room creating the Vitruvian Man.
Somewhere inside I know I'm better than this but right now, at this very moment, I'm literally terrified that I'm going to fail as an artist; I'm paralyzed with self-doubt and can't for the life of me turn around and finish a piece I started a couple of days ago. Fortunately I found some resources that have been, and will continue to be, invaluable. One major resource is http://grouplyahoo.com/group/mosaicartistsorg/ They have a wonderful database of information with tips, hints and tricks to make my life easier and a links page where I found the amazing Dianne Sonnenberg, who teaches classes at Artisan Stained Glass http://artisanglass.us and I'm going to take a couple. I need a support group that can give me encouragement and immediate feedback. It will also help tremendously for me to get out of the house and meet people with similar interests. I've been informed that I need to start dating. And now I have a headache, too.
Putting it all "out there" seems to have loosened that band around my chest choking the life out of me and making it difficult to breathe. Yes, I know it was a panic attack and that blogging is cathartic. But once in a while, I need to say these things out loud, or write them down for the world to see, because it keeps me grounded, focused and in touch with my inner child that still needs approval and to have her work validated. Today she was throwing a temper tantrum.
I'm going to share a few of my favorite mosaic artists with you now and hope you enjoy them as much as I do.
http://gnomenclaturestudios.com/ - Dianne Sonnenberg, a local Austin artist
www.chrislongart.com Be sure to check out his Facebook page as well
http://carolblakecoolart.com/index.htm Carol Sackman and Blake White are doing the fun stuff
You'll find many more wonderful artists over on the mosaic group at Yahoo. Share your favorites with me. And if you're creating something wonderful, I'd like to know if you had your own moments of self-doubt and how you got through them.
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