Rain drips from the eaves while birds flit from limb to limb and the cat watches with coiled intensity. How is it that we can observe the world around us and be so blind to it at the same time? We look at the lives of others and know exactly what's wrong and usually don't hesitate to tell them about it. It's when we look closely at our own lives that we tend to shy away from the harsh truths. We can't withstand those deeper delvings into all the flotsam and jetsam that passes for thoughts and emotions. The real guts of us that we try to hide when we think someone's looking. The stuff we drag out in the middle of the night as we're falling asleep and poke at with a sharp stick to see if it's going to hurt us in the dark. Well, guess what - it BITES.
Epiphany: My life is filled with small, meaningless pursuits that keep me entertained so I don't notice the emptiness. During a conversation recently, I stated that "I have no joy in my life. I have moments of happiness but I'm discontented and restless." My discussion partner concluded that my joyless life needed God to make everything better. God...what does that mean - I need God in my life to give me joy?
My initial reaction to this pronouncement was disturbing. Immediate denial; later, I examined that denial to find the truth of it. Religion makes me cringe; I can't abide most of the trappings of organized religion. I believe in a Supreme Being whether that being is called God, Allah or Ra; I don't believe it matters because they're all connected - one and the same. Every culture around the world has at least one Supreme Being and some have more than one. The Mayans had many Gods and Kukulcan, the feathered serpent, has been tied to Atlantis's Tehuti, Egypt's Thoth, Sumer's Enki and Peru's Quetzalcoatl. I don't believe in coincidence either. Our cultures define for us by what name we call our god.
Religious ceremony and rites also give me pause. Sacrificing virgins? Goats and chickens? Blood and life sacrifices are beyond my comprehension because I don't truly understand the purpose of them. I suppose if I knew what lay beyond the death of the physical body I might understand it. A release of the spirit into the next world, that I get. I have many thoughts on this but that's for another time. Meditation and prayer makes sense to me. Clearing the mind allows for peace and calm to enter the body, driving away the stress, and opening the mind to greater possibilities within ourselves. Prayer has many functions: to say thanks, to ask for help, to praise, to ask forgiveness. Preaching bothers me, especially the old-fashioned hellfire and damnation sermons. Old Testament preachers (southern Baptist, revival tent preachers from my childhood come to mind) stand at their pulpits, thumping their Bibles, shouting about sinners and point accusing fingers at the congregation. Are you going to HELL?! they shout. New Testament preachers teach their followers the lessons of Jesus during his time on earth before he sacrificed himself for us sinners. Another sacrifice and more blood. Reconciling the two halves of the Bible has always been a problem for me. Suffice it to say, that I'm a believer in the teachings of love and forgiveness without judgment. To me, love and forgiveness without judgment means there is hope - hope for a better tomorrow, a better world, a better afterlife.
Years ago, I rejected the pissed off God for a loving God that forgives sinners like me. So few people are able to lead lives without sin of some kind. In fact, I don't know anyone that doesn't sin, one way or another. We are doomed to failure from the day we're born as humans. Human nature, in and of itself, presents a daily struggle to suppress our baser instincts in order to attain a more God-like spirit. Mostly, we fail at this. We lust and envy; we are prideful and wrathful. The best we can hope for is to be forgiven for our faults and allowed to pass into a better world. If it were otherwise, I'd have thrown in the towel long ago.
Now all that brings me back to my current situation. My simple mind took that statement about needing God and created a formula that gave me an answer I could accept without reservation. For many years, I've equated God with love. So, God is Love. God = Love. Ah ha! I'm missing Love from my life. If I had love in my life, I would find my joy again because love is about sharing and there is no joy if there's no one to share my life.
Damn, I wish it would quit raining. All this introspection depresses me.
From the loving god...
ReplyDeleteJames 2:24
So you see, we are made right with God by what we do, not by faith alone.
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You already believe, for some that could be the hard part but your actions in life are what validates your faith.
LOL Thank you to the loving God. But God & religion really weren't supposed to be the focus of this post. It was people's perspectives on each others lives and how they always know what's best for someone else but usually haven't got a clue how to fix their own lives. I was just using an example from my personal life. Granted, things did take a religious turn I wasn't expecting. But despite that, there's some irony in it because this is the exact opposite of what I expected from you. I expected you to focus on the part about me not having someone to share my life with; thus ignoring the whole religious aspect altogether. In fact, I expected an "I told so", or something to that effect. Should I thank you for NOT saying it? :)
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