Emotional Chaos meets Elbow Macaroni and Glue

I slammed face first into a wall today. Metaphorically speaking, that is; so physically, I'm fine. Settle down with your beverage of choice and enjoy the ride. Remember, it's not you.

This is not the first time I've experienced these lost, directionless feelings. But right now, I'm so out of sorts because I've got a mixed bag of emotions running rampant through me and I'm doing my best to acknowledge them and "own" them. I want so much to be a success now that I've chosen the path I want to follow. But after looking at those I greatly admire, and want more than anything to be just like them when I grow up, I realize that I'm such a neophyte. Maybe I shouldn't have looked at their work right now when I'm feeling so overwhelmed with choices and media to play around with but also feeling so underwhelmed with my own ability to produce something half as beautiful. Everything I do now is being scrutinized for flaws and errors. I'm not enjoying myself but that's why I decided to create art glass in the first place. I wanted to work with buttons and beads; ribbon and paint; and colored glass tiles, mirrored tiles, stained glass and anything that caught my fancy. But right this moment, I feel like a kindergartner gluing macaroni to sheets of construction paper and all the while, DaVinci is across the room creating the Vitruvian Man.

Somewhere inside I know I'm better than this but right now, at this very moment, I'm literally terrified that I'm going to fail as an artist; I'm paralyzed with self-doubt and can't for the life of me turn around and finish a piece I started a couple of days ago. Fortunately I found some resources that have been, and will continue to be, invaluable. One major resource is http://grouplyahoo.com/group/mosaicartistsorg/ They have a wonderful database of information with tips, hints and tricks to make my life easier and a links page where I found the amazing Dianne Sonnenberg, who teaches classes at Artisan Stained Glass http://artisanglass.us and I'm going to take a couple. I need a support group that can give me encouragement and immediate feedback. It will also help tremendously for me to get out of the house and meet people with similar interests. I've been informed that I need to start dating. And now I have a headache, too.

Putting it all "out there" seems to have loosened that band around my chest choking the life out of me and making it difficult to breathe. Yes, I know it was a panic attack and that blogging is cathartic. But once in a while, I need to say these things out loud, or write them down for the world to see, because it keeps me grounded, focused and in touch with my inner child that still needs approval and to have her work validated. Today she was throwing a temper tantrum.

I'm going to share a few of my favorite mosaic artists with you now and hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

http://gnomenclaturestudios.com/ - Dianne Sonnenberg, a local Austin artist

www.chrislongart.com Be sure to check out his Facebook page as well

http://carolblakecoolart.com/index.htm Carol Sackman and Blake White are doing the fun stuff


You'll find many more wonderful artists over on the mosaic group at Yahoo. Share your favorites with me. And if you're creating something wonderful, I'd like to know if you had your own moments of self-doubt and how you got through them.

Closing the Doors of the "Dollhouse"

One of my favorite shows of the last 2 years has come to an end tonight. I find that sad because I've grown to really like these people, even if they don't exist. It's a little late to give you a cast of characters with a brief life story so I won't. Maybe if I'd done that sooner, Dollhouse wouldn't have ended its short-lived run tonight; however, I've discovered that I don't like the same mainstream shows that everyone else seems to be crazy about. What makes that unfortunate is that my favorite shows tend to get canceled while everyone else's shows continue to plod along, business as usual. Kudos, though, to the studio execs for giving a head's up so Joss Whedon could wrap up the series for the fans and give us closure. That's more than we got when TPTB pulled the plug on my all-time favorite TV series, Firefly.

I'll be looking for these actors in new shows in the coming year and hope they land somewhere wonderful - maybe a new Joss Whedon creation. I'm a fan, not just of the characters, but of the actor's skill that made me love them all; Adele, Boyd, Echo, Paul, Topher, Victor, and Sierra. The love extends to recurring characters as well; November, Alpha, Bennett, Whiskey/Dr.Saunders and all the others that passed through the doors of the Dollhouse. I'm so sorry to see you go and look forward to seeing you again - soon.

Holiday Hangover

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and was fortunate enough to share the day with loved ones.

Today, though, I'm suffering from Holiday Hangover. I've got many things that I need to do but don't have the energy or the motivation to get up and do. Due to an unexpected incident, my cable needs to be repaired; I need to exchange a Christmas present and Ryan needs to do some shopping for himself and his girlfriend. Caffeine has not helped my lack of desire to move from the recliner and take of business.

Is there a cure for Holiday Hangover? I should look into that but for now, I'm just going to think about it for a while longer...